July 2016
+1+
The air was different.
I don’t know if
it was just Houston or just being in America again. It just felt. . .
different. Newer ? Emile had dropped Rose and I off at the airport and I promised him we'd be back soon. I don't recall where Mr. Fierro was but he hadn't been able to make that flight.
Rose and I had the most tumultuous flight on the way over, she wasn't reacting well to the starter medication for the trial. She threw up on me
twice and started
screaming when I wouldn’t let her off the plane twenty minutes in. She
seemed nervous even . I don't think she liked going someplace new.
At this point Rose was
very thin and a few defiant wisp of black hair had grown back over her scalp. I
think no one on the flight complained because of how sick she looked. An elderly man
next to us talked to her and even tried to make her smile, which was
sweet but did nothing for Rose's behavior. She screamed about wanting to get off the plane and eventually the medicine put her to sleep. She woke up and threw a little tantrum, refused to eat and she upended
two glasses of wine in my lap.
When we landed I was
ready for a nap and a nightcap even though it was 10am.
I just stared blankly as the porter had our luggage loaded up. Out of
the corner of my eye I notice a woman starting at me from across the
terminal with a sign that said ‘Clara DeLune and Rosalie Fierro” on it. I
did a double take, squinted and walked over to her. She was wearing a uniform. I hadn't ordered car.
“I think there is some kind of mistake. . .
Are you looking for me ?”, I asked.
“Ms. DeLune ? I think so, I’ll be taking you to your hotel.”
I shrugged thinking the hospital sent her (After all I made a sizable donation) and followed her to a black town car. Rose settled quietly next to me in the backseat. I looked out the window as we entered the city and drove right past Houston Children's Hospital and the mid-level extended stay hotel I’d made reservations with.
“Where are we going ? What's going on ? You passed my hotel", I shuffled around in my bag for my pepper spray, which I realized I'd forgotten.
“Umm. . .Your hotel, Ma’am . . .”
The driver pulled into a roundabout and I soon found out my reservation at the extended stay had been
cancelled in favor of a Junior suite at the St. Regis Houston. Or so I learned when I checked in with
the clerk. The clerk was still
going over all the perks and when she confirmed that I would only need one
bedroom in my suite I felt someone tug on my jacket
“Mommy.”
I looked down to where
Rose was pulling on my jean jacket. Rose hardly ever talked in public
and never when I was talking to someone else.
“Rose”, I said, “Don’t interrupt.”
“Mommy. . . where do I sleep.”
I looked at the clerk and then back at Rose.
“Not now Rose.”
“Do I have to sleep at the hospital ?” she folded her arms.
“Rose, quiet”
“I don’t want to stay at the hospital.”
“Rose”
“NO”, she said sinking to the floor. She sat by the counter with her knees pulled in; rocking back and forth.
“Rose, get.up.”
"I don’t want to go to the hospital. I want to go home.”
“Rose it’s fine. You’ll like it there. I’ll be there the whole time-“
She wasn’t listening and everyone in the posh lobby was pretending to look elsewhere. Then I heard the most beautiful music. I looked up to see the grand chandelier slowly swinging back and forth above us, moving in time with Rose's rocking. Up above the glass candles vibrated next to each other. Then they abruptly
stopped and a single glass candle tilted off the fixture and smashed an
inch away from me. Then another.
"Rose, calm down. Rosalie."
Everyone was quiet and staring. I felt like I should apologize to them.
"I. . . I'm sor--"
I suddenly remembered Rose and ran outside after her. Rose was lying face up on the black top roundabout
infront of the hotel. She looked so peaceful, like she was in her bed.
"Rose", I said quietly, "Get up"
"I want to sit on a bell, Mommy."
God, she was delirious again.
"Like a princess.", she said
"Come on, Rose. It's time to get you better. Please get up"
The Valet started yelling at me and a small crowd was forming. It took me to long to notice that the small crowed was actually waiving down a taxi speeding into the roundabout. I could see the bumper coming right towards us and on instinct I jumped up onto the the sidewalk.
The car stopped just
inches from Rose. Inches. Rose calmly sat up and turned to me. She
stared at me. Her big pale eyes were blank and accusatory. I'd just left
her there. I should have thrown myself on her or. . . something.
I vaguely heard the cab driver frantically explaining that he . . . just couldn't stop.
Then I notice who steps out of the taxi.
+2+
I don't remember exactly what happened next. I’d contemplated telling Mr. Fierro what
happened with the chandelier, but couldn’t make myself. Was that something we even did ? Shared
things like that ? I could tell his flight had worn on him. He'd quickly checked into his room. The entire time he had this white box under his arm
I remember the three of us took a
car service to the hospital. The entire Houston Children's Hospital
Complex had a quaint Tuscan villa architecture that would put Northern Italy to
shame, it was comforting.
I felt like I was in a resort. . . not a hospital.
Rose’s room was in the Martinez corridor of the children’s cancer pavilion. I was humbled realizing a place like this existed. Rose's private room was usually reserved for children of
long-term donors to the hospital, but everything had it’s price. The walls were glass so she wouldn’t be
unsupervised, but she'd be isolated.
The drug trial had 12 children in it. 6 from wealthy families and 6 from sponsored families. When I saw some of the other families enter the ward I started to wonder which one my money had paid for. I wanted the best for them. . . I really did.
Rose had been admitted for the entire 10-month trial. Her health mixed with her genetic disorder made her an interesting candidate.The nurses put on a smiling face to help her settle in but I could see the apprehension. Rose’s coldness is permeable.
I
helped Rose into the bed and clipped her
pink iPod to her hospital gown. Once she turned on the music she seemed
to visibly relax. Mr. Fierro was so quiet I’d forgotten he was standing by the door.
Finally he stepped in and set the white box on the nightstand next to Roses' bed. Rose started to pull apart the ribbon. In the box nestled in tissue paper were 12 of the brightest pink roses I'd ever seen. Mr. Fierro gently reached in and pulled out a thirteenth rose. This one was yellow. I'd never known him to bother with yellow roses.
He extended the single yellow rose to me and I took it not knowing what else to do. It wasn't as fragrant as the white rose but it was still pretty. I didn't see a vase anywhere but a nurse's assistant was quick to grab an extra beaker from the lab and fill it with water.
While Rose was occupied arranging the pink roses I put real sheets on her bed and some simple decorations from her room at my apartment.
There was a knock on the door and a nurse peered through the large viewing window, she pointed to the clock indicating visiting hours were over. From the window I could see some of the other people in the trials. My heart broke watching mothers and grandmothers clutching their hearts and steely eyed fathers kissing their kids good-bye.
When was the last time I'd even kissed Rose ? How the hell could I be screwing this up. Why couldn't we be like them.
"Good-bye, Rose. I-We'll be back tomorrow." I said distantly my eyes still on the other family.
Rose turns her eyes to the window looking out on the outskirts of Houston. Mr. Fierro carefully takes my arm and we turn to leave her.
+++
Mr. Fierro’s Royal suite was three times
the size of my Jr. suite. It boasted a full kitchen, dining room, living room and
two bedrooms. I couldn't imagine why he needed all the space.
He hadn’t changed since his flight. His cream colored shirt was slightly wrinkled and there was no tie in sight. I let out a disappointed sigh as he filled two glasses with ice water. He stood on one side of the kitchen counter while I sat down on the other.
I looked around his suite noting that the only piece of luggage he had was his leather overnight bag on the floor.
"Is that all your bought ?"
"I'll need to split my time. I can't leave everything on Emile."
I pushed the single yellow rose between
us, it was now in a slim vase I’d liberated from the hotel restaurant. I pushed the vase around some more. I hadn't even realized that it wouldn't be so easy for him to up and leave. It was silly of me to expect it. All I had to do was put in a two weeks notice.
“What does this mean exactly ?” , I said indicating the yellow rose.
“A truce”, he said, “Forget the bitterness that’s passed between us. Perhaps I made a mistake but I have good intentions."
"I know. I. . . trust you. If you want to drink to a new start. . . I might need something a little stronger than water.”
I watched where he put the silver e-cigarette between his lips, noticing for the first time that he needed to shave. I also noticed a wicker gift basket with a bottle of sparkling wine imported from Champagne.
"Do you have an admirer ?", I asked.
"No. It's from Emile."
I considered this. It wasn't extravagantly expensive but still quite a splurge for Emile. Mr. Fierro picked it up and placed it in the wine cooler below the counter.
"You aren't going to open it."
"Emile requested it be saved for a special occasion."
"What's that ?"
"When Rose goes into remission."
Mr. Fierro giving Clara random flowers just reminds me a lot of Litany Lane for reasons . . . .Yes, Clara totally stole a flower vase from the hotel restaurant. She's the worse. And Yes, Mr. Fierro is vaping. (He does it in an earlier chapter but I don't think I drew attention to it.)