Chataqua, NY
December 20th 1953
The pain sharpens as I ease down to the floor. It radiates up from my knee in the way it always does–right up my chest and just behind my eyes. I breathe through it. The chill air whistling through the rotted out wood helps numb it. This old barn would need a lot of work before the first snow fall.
“Merry Christmas !”
I get up too quickly. The pain burns just under my skin and I curse slightly under my breath. Ellie Caldwell had emerged from behind the barn door with a record-shaped object wrapped in blue paper with a foil bow and trailing ribbons.
“Merry Christmas." she says at a normal volume. Ellie extends her arms and presents the gift.
I look around the room expecting Lucie to jump out next. This is the kind of shennanigan Lucie would come up with. A little bit of humor to get past our terrible argument last weekend. I wait several seconds but Lucie is nowhere to be seen. I turn back to Ellie, her smile is as resilient as ever.
“Merry Christmas, Ellie.” I manage.
Ellie looks festive in her green day dress. She still sported the high-ponytail Lucie had been teasing her about for ages.
“We’re not children anymore, Ellie”, Lucie had said on a few occasions while playfully tugging it.
“You didn’t have to Ellie” , She must know I can’t reciprocate. I’d had to take Auntie to see a new doctor last week. She’d refused to cooperate and we were no longer welcome in that doctor’s office—though we still had to pay the bill.
“I wanted to.” Ellie says, “Oh…This for Ms. Nell and Harlon. Some of the ladies at church gathered some things from around their kitchens.”
She looks down at a crate I hadn’t noticed before. It’s filled with canned food and other odd and ends. Unless there is a bottle in there I doubted Harlon would be interested
“That’s very kind.” I say. “It will be good for Auntie to have something hearty to eat.”
I’d have to go inside the main house to get the hearth started for her. If I went at night they would both be sleeping. I could get in and out unscathed. Nell was wary of Lutherans. I couldn’t tell her who our benefactor was.
“What were you doing on the floor over there ?” Ellie asks.
“My prayers.”
“It looked like you were in pain.”
“It’s nothing compared to the sacrifices of our Lord.” I say though I am just repeating Auntie Nell.
“Come to the Lord with a humble heart of joy and thankfulness. That’s what the new pastor has been saying. Albert thinks it’s a bit soft. I like it. All you need is a humble heart Addison, not to get down on a bad knee.”
“I can’t say I agree, Ellie. We can’t make concessions. Faith shouldn’t be convenient. It should be constant and persistent. Even in the face of adversity. The Lord favors the strong. Those who persevere at all times. That is true faith, Ellie.”
She looks away for a moment then turns back.
“Did you hurt yourself at the factory, Addison ?
“I’m not hurt, Ellie. Just a bit overworked. There were lots of supplies to unload and not enough men on dock.”
“You’re still on the loading dock ?”
I nod.
“Mr. Redford said he might move me to an overnight shift on the factory floor. He thinks I'll manage better there.”
Ellie shakes her head
“They work all the men too hard over there.” Elle says knowingly, “Albert said there might be another opening in the accounting office. I can tell him to put in a good word again. You’re so good with numbers.”
I appreciated her effort but I suspected Roger DeLune would find some petty objection like he always did.
“I should get you back to Albert and Junior. Did you walk here, Ellie ?”
She looks a bit crestfallen. “Mr. Ellert bought me half way. I put the milk by the farmhouse door.”
“Thank you”, i look at my watch, “Uncle usually heads to town around this time. He can give you a ride. I’ll come along.”
She folds her arms, “I’d rather walk.”
“Nonsense, Ellie. I’ll make sure he doesn’t say anything untoward to you.”
“What about what he says to you ?” She sits on an overturned crate, “I don’t want to hear that either.”
“Harlon has a way about him. You know that.”
“I hate the way he calls you ‘boy’. You’re nearly 25 years-old. Lucie said he took your earnings from last week and went down to the pub/. He won’t let you in the house but helps himself to your earnings.”
“It’s his due for my lodging. It all goes to the farm eventually.” I remind Ellie.
“Barley a farm.” Elle says.
That was true. We hadn’t had a decent harvest in years. The last of the animals had mercifully perished a few years ago save for a few chickens. I still did upkeep on the small stable and in case our luck changed. I’d made plans to till the land this spring. There was talk in the trade pamphlets about opportunities to grow soybeans.
“You shouldn't speak of things you don’t understand Ellie.” I warn her. Ellie had been blessed with upstanding God-fearing parents. She’d comfortably married an enterprising man who built her a home. She was living the modern day dream I sometimes glimpsed on magazine covers and advertisements. The dream Lucie and I were so desperate for.
Ellie moves to sit on my bed, “I’m sorry, Addison. Please, open your gift.”
I open the record expecting it to be Miller or Gleason. They seemed to play every time I was in the car with Lucie. I don’t recognize this record. The cover is just words.
Lost Continent
“I don’t know this one, Ellie. Is it a band?”
“It’s. A. Book !” She says.
She opens the record and carefully puts it on. There is a long silence before we hear a voice. A man introduces himself. After a few more seconds of silence the speaker starts to read. Word-for-word what is presumably in the book.
“Isn’t that something ? Where did you find such a thing, Ellie ?”
Her blue eyes brighten at the question.
“Albert has a second cousin who is blind. They record these for him. He’s got real eclectic taste. This one is about lost civilizations and mythology. I thought you might like it so I bought if off him. I haggled too.”
She smiles. Delighted with herself.
“It’s amazing Ellie. When it’s spring time let me do some yard work for you and Albert. Maybe even a treehouse for Junior. I insist. I want that to be my gift to you.”
“Junior would love that !”
We listen for a bit longer. I’m tempted to take notes but I only have a few pages left in my notebook. It’ll be ages before I can get another one.
When the clock strikes nine I lift the needle.
“Harlon will be leaving soon. Let’s get you home before it gets too late.”
Ellie sighs and nods.
I ring the barn bell to let Harlon know I’d be accompanying him to town. The bell proved to be a better communication system than speaking with him.
Ellie slips on her coat, gloves and a fine burgundy scarf her mother knitted for her. I still got by with an old coat Harlon gave me a decade ago. To this day he never let me forget that bit of kindness.
“Addison, do you ever think about that evening.” Ellie asks while fiddling with her glove.
“Evening?”
Ellie gives me a pointed look. An expression she’d certainly picked up from Lucie.
She must be referencing a specific evening from about five years ago. It was the early days of summer–Lucie had just come from her first year of college. As soon as the bus pulled into town she’d run to the farm.
To me.
Embracing Lucie that first day of summer had felt like my happy ending. I’d asked her to marry me even though it felt like an unnecessary formality. I’d vowed to bring the farm back to life and build a home for our family. Lucie never formally accepted my proposal. Instead we spent that entire summer together dreaming about our future.
Lucie Mills-Pepperidge had been my best friend since we met at the local library when we were 12. We’d both been eager for the same book at the county library. We’d decided to read it together. Or maybe Lucie had asked if I’d share with her.
I couldn’t pinpoint when Lucie and I fell in love. Maybe 16 ? Our first ‘I love yous’ hadn’t come until the summer before she went to college... Our love was cemented in the hundreds of letters we sent that year.
Lucie didn’t bring up my proposal until the end of that summer. I’d snuck away from the farm to have a picnic by the lake with her. We were studying the clouds like we’d often done when Lucie was in high school.
Lucie had been in such a rush she’d only remembered to pack the ice cream, which went well with the strawberries from the small garden I’d started behind the barn.
She was due back at school in just a few weeks. I wasn’t ready to let her go again for another 8 months.
“I was thinking…you need a proper hat before we are officially engaged”, She’d said as a joke,then more seriously, “You know Addie, being a married man in the city is different than being here.”
“We’ll only be in the city until you’ve finished school”, Though I’d hoped Lucie would leave school. She wasn’t much interested in being a teacher.”
“Addie”, She sat up “You’ve never been to the city. It’s different. You’d need to get a bank account, a line of credit and a social security card. You’d need to learn to drive. Married housing isn’t free. You' d have to get a job in the city. They don’t have farms you know. It all worries me.”
.
“I can drive , Lucie.”
“A tractor doesn’t count.” she’d said , kissing me on the nose.
“Then we'll have to get a horse.”
“Oh, stop.” Lucie’s laugh had been loud and warm. I couldn't wait to have that laughter in my life everyday.
“Let’s get married first, Sweetheart”, I’d said but it was more of a plea,”We can figure out the rest together.”
“I also…well… Addie…I just think there are some things a husband should have experience with before having a wife. Don’t you think ? A husband should know things, don't you think?"
I hadn’t understood at all what Lucie meant.
“Lucie, I can handle the city. I’ll–”
“I’m just thinking about our wedding night.”
I hadn’t thought Lucie wanted children in the city. Her letters always expressed how sad she felt for children who didn’t have endless woods and creeks to explore. I didn’t care about one night. We had the rest of our lives together. I was trying to find the best way to say this to her when I noticed the red tint to her eyes. At first I thought it was her allergies. Then she wiped her eyes with a shaky hand and blinked back a few tears.
“Lucie ?”, I was unsure what I’d done or what had transpired in just a few seconds.
“I just think we should be equals, Addie.”, Lucie whispered so low I could barley hear, “ I just think it would be better if you had some experience…"
I also heard the two words she didn’t say.
Oh, Lucie. What have you done?
Lucie took a napkin and patted her face dry. I knew I couldn’t look away. She may interpret it as shame. I could never be ashamed of her.
“Lucie.” I took her hands, “I just want to be your husband. I want us to be a family. That is all that matters to me.”
“Addie you’re not listening to me.”
“I am, Sweetheart. Let’s go to Reverend Marchess now. I know he’d be willing. Why wait ?”
Why risk more temptation.
She wiped her eyes again. I knew I should be cross. Perhaps I was. I didn’t want to dwell on it. I wouldn’t dwell on it once she was my wife.
“I just…don’t you think”, Lucie said repeating herself form earlier, “I just think you should…”
I couldn’t let this small obstacle get in the way of our promised future.
“I’m not going to Mrs. Rothsbury’s with Harlon, if that's what you are implying”, I said.
“God, No. Addie”, Lucie sat up and looked at her watch,” You are far too innocent for a place like that. You know I was talking to Ellie. She may be able to help. She and Albert are going to get engaged. They are going to be a family of three very soon. Do you see ? It’s a fitting idea. Do you see ?”
Lucie’s smile was not as self-assured as it usually was.
“Lucie, we can settle this after we are husband and wife. We can go to the courthouse on Friday. You can wear the white dress you said you were saving for Labor Day. We can go back to the city together. How would that sound Mrs. Ferro."
Lucie flushes a little at that. The name fits her well.
“Addison, I just think there are some things a man should know. Especially if we want a big family. I was thinking we could name them all the children after jewels. Crystal, Diamond or Jade.
“Ruby… Opal.”
She brightened at the suggestion and I was grateful for it, “Emerald. Oh. We can call her Emmie for short. Won’t that be sweet. Emmie, Addie and Lucie.”
“How about Beryl.”
“Oh. Stop” She laughed.
“Or Citrine ? Or Agate”
“Amber”, She said dreamily, “I think Amber is a sweet name."
She pulls me into a familiar hug. I was still getting used to her short hair. She’d started curling and styling it like the film stars. She’d joked that I would be horrified by how she had to sleep to maintain it.
“I love you. Help me understand what you need from me, Lucie.”
She took both my hands in hers and pressed her forehead to mine, “Keep an open mind.”
Lucie left and I gathered up the remains of the picnic. I was still allowed in the farmhouse back then. I placed the unwanted strawberries in the kitchen. Auntie's health was just starting to fail. I could hear her coughing upstairs. Harlon had taken her to Rochester a few weeks prior for what I thought for a doctor’s appointment, but I’d later learned it was for a life insurance policy.
I’d just moved into the barn and gathered a few provisions to get me through the week. Lucie had given me two rugs and artwork she found at Sears.
A few moments later I heard Lucie’s car putter back down the road. Ellie was in the passenger seat. Lucie had her sunglasses on and a scarf tied rightly around her curls
Lucie kissed Ellie’s hand, “Just what we talked about”, she said to her in a hushed tone before heading back to her car.
When the car puttered away I realized this was the first time Ellie and I had been alone without Lucie. Ellie had been Lucie’ best friend since high school. Ellie had been there in the background when Lucie came to visit or when we went to the movies. Lucie was a very popular girl in school—but Ellie was the only one she ever brought around the farm.
“What did you two talk about ?” I asked Ellie.
“It will be easier if I show you”, She’d said.
I sat on my bed and she showed me what Albert liked. The only other thing she said to me that evening was “It’s like this.”
Afterwards we sat on the floor, played Gin Rummy, and listened to the radio until Lucie came back. Lucie pressed the horn when she arrived which got Auntie and Uncle yelling at her from the house. They’d never taken fondly to Lucie. She was too forward and wild for their taste.
I don’t think that evening helped with anything so I never thought of it. Within the year Lucie and I had relented to temptation. At least I think it was temptation. I thought it would be uncomfortable to be around Ellie afterward, but we got on the same whenever she tagged along with Lucie or the rare times I saw her when I was in town.
Tonight being the exception.
“Just now that you mention it”, I answer honestly, “Why do you ask?”
She starts to say something but Harlon’s truck rumbles to the barn.
I pick up Lucie’s Christmas gift from my work bench and wrap it in the paper from Ellie’s gift.
“That’s a lovely gift”, Ellie says as I use the ribbon to hold the paper in place, “Lucie will love them.”
“Thank you”
I help Ellie into the back of Harlon’s truck and settle in next to her.
“Shave your face but you cant cut your hair”, Harlon says under his breath. He was already drunk. That was certain. I hold Ellie’s hand to keep her calm. Harlon was a reckless driver. Even more so with one hand around a bottle.
I pray and we persevere. Ellie hums to herself which helps the time pass. When we reach town he drops us off at the Lutheran church
.
“Far as I go”, He says.
I don’t know where Ellie lives so I follow her lead.
“I love Lucie.” She says, “You know that. I love her to pieces. I know she loves you. She would have married you ages ago if her mother hadn’t been ill.”
“I know Ellie”, I say. Even though Mrs. Mills-Pepperidge had been gone for over 3 years “Why are you telling me this?”
“Do you know where Lucie is tonight ?.”
“The Christmas Choir Showcase.”
“She changed her plans. She went to the Christmas Party at the factory. She didn't want you to know.”
I stop walking. “She’s with Roger.”
“Not really. Madame DeLune is expanding the school Rochester. She invited some teachers in town to come to the Christmas party.”
Lucie ? The self-proclaimed worst teacher this side of Morris County wanted to teach at a private school ? Lucie and I would have a talk about this. Ellie’s gone very quiet. Lucie once explained to me that a long silence can often mean profound sadness. I didn’t think that was always true, but in that moment Ellie didn’t seem like herself.
“Ellie…why aren’t you at the Christmas Party with Albert ?”
Ellie shrugs, “I’ve got too much to do around the house. I’m hosting both our extended families. He said I should focus on that. We’re going to have a big Christmas.”
I don't wait for an invitation and she doesn't offer one. Albert wouldn’t like a man from the factory floor at his dinner table.
“Addison, If I get any more of those book records I’ll bring them by.”
“I’d like that. Let’s get you home.”
“Thank–”
A bright light interrupts her.
“Just who I was looking for !”
Lucie’s car pulls up beside us. She steps out of the car in one elegant motion and does a quick twirl. Lucie looks like a dream in her long white winter coat and matching hat. Her festive red dress peaks out from underneath.
“We missed you at the party Ellie.” She says.
“I had so much to do. You’ll bring the Christmas punch, right ?”
“Of course ! I found a darling punch bowl set last week.”
“You look beautiful Lucie”, I say.
“Sweetheart, you’re too kind. You must be freezing in that old coat. Both of you. In !”
Lucie's car has some considerable warmth to it. She turns it to a Christmas station and speeds down the road. She drops Ellie off first. Her house is in a neighborhood I’m certain was farmland a few yeas ago. It had been paved over and divided up. It looks like the neighborhoods from televisions where the neighbors are far too close.
“Can we go to the town square ?” I ask once Ellie is safely inside her house.
“Feeling sentimental ?”
“A little.”
Lucie speeds through town and parks in front of town hall. The county Christmas tree is still lit. It’s surrounded on all sides by the ice rink the county had installed this year after one to many people fell into lake
“I have a gift for you, Lucie. Unless we are still fighting from last week.”
Lucie leans against the wheel and offers an exhausted smile, “I don’t even remember what we were arguing about.”
“I don’t either, Lucie.That’s the worse part.” At this moment I can’t tell if we’re still engaged or not. We’d called it off when Lucie moved back so she could focus on her mother. It had been on and off since then. I was never sure where we stood. Roger made the matter all the more complicated.
Lucie opens her gift carefully and palms the two wooden figures. I’d carved the birds from a book. I'd taken some liberties with the design to make them look like parrots . I had just enough lacquer from house repairs to give the figurines a bit of gloss.
“Robins ?“ Lucie guesses.
I take one of the wooden birds and give the other to Lucie.
“Lovebirds actually.”
Lucie taps the beak of her bird to mine, then she kisses me. I wish I could have been at the party with her tonight. I would have been the only man from the line in the room, but I’d have her on my arm. Although I didn’t have a suit. I wasn’t a great conversationalist. If she’d asked me to go with her… I probably wouldn't have.
“I think our skates are still in the back”, Lucie says.
+++
“That party really was dull”, Lucie says deftly lacing my left skate while I did my right.
“Why did you go?”
“ I just wanted to doll myself up. Madame DeLune’s school sounds lovely. It’s going to be on their estate in Rochester. Estate. Have you ever heard of such a thing ? It seems like a swell place. They are building lots of new homes out there.”
“...Lucie. This is our home. We can’t leave the farm.”
“Addie, that farm is a dilapidated waste of unkept land.”
“There is so much potential in the farm. Besides, Auntie's health has been getting worse. I can’t leave the farm right now.”
“Can’t or won’t, Addie.” We switch. I lace up her left while she works on her right, “That woman is worse than Harlon some days. Your’e so smart. Smarter than most men out there. You could do amazing things in the real world. I just know it.”
“The farm has potential”, I remind her, “It’s good land. We could build our own house. Make beautiful memories there.”
I help Lucie up. She’s unsteady on her feet. We step onto the ice at the same time. She slips a little on the ice and rights herself. I move backwards and she follows, her hands never leaving mine.
I suddenly remember what our argument had been about. Lucie hadn’t wanted to sell her mother’s house. She had bittersweet memories there and wanted to sell it for ages. I told her we could use the money to get married and finally build our own house on the farm. She started talking about the city again and fretting about her age.
Lucie finds her balance and glides around the tree in the center of the rink. We move in slow circle. The evening is a blur of lights and snow flurries.
“I want to get married next year, Addie”, she says. Her smile is bright and assured, “I can’t put it off any longer.”
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“It’s going to be our year, Addie. Cheers to us.”
The End
A/N
That next year Lucie does get married. She just ends up marrying Roger because a few months after this story she and Roger murder Fierro.
This shortie is based on an off hand comment in JNRR. In this section Clara and Fierro are blackmailing each other into being engaged. And they go to an art show and Clara runs into Eleanor and her grandmother Ellie. Fierro suddenly disappears.
Eleanor turned back around and waved to her grandmother who was discussing frame design with an art buyer.
“I’d almost forgotten it was the Christmas season”, I said honestly.
“Hey, If you’re not with anyone you can join us for lunch.”
I honestly couldn’t think of a reason no to and I was starting to think she didn’t believe my “fiancé” story. Most of the time I couldn’t believe it.
“Um, sure I just need to get something out of the car. I’ll meet you outside.”
She nodded enthusiastically and waited while I took the converted elevator to the bottom floor and walked around the corner. The streets were empty and it had begun to snow again.
Just as I rounded the corner I was gently pulled into a small side street.
“You scared me.”, I said catching my breath
“Don’t you know who that was”, Mr. Fierro said getting straight to the point while lighting a cigarette.
“Of course. Eleanor was my college roommate, we’ve been friends forever.”
“Why is that ?”
“I don’t know. . . I mean our grandmothers were best friends. . . growing up”, I placed my hand on my head feeling like an idiot, “Oh, of course I didn’t realize you had known Mrs. Caldwell.”
“After 50 years you begin to hope everyone you knew is dead.”
“Did you know Mrs. Caldwell well ? She never mentioned you and she loves to talk about the ‘old days’”
“She was better acquainted with Lucie.”
“How acquainted was she with you ?”
I could tell by his expression that he had no intention of answering the question which made me want to know the answer that much more.
“Did you date her ?”, I asked suddenly filled with curiosity
“No”
“Did you. . .“
I noticed he looked away form me anxiously anticipating whatever else I had to say, he was keeping way to many lies to lie to me about this.
Yes, that was certainly it.
“Well”, I said awkwardly trying to decide if this was a problem or not, “I-I suppose that is not a problem.”
“Yes, it is a problem Ms. DeLune”
“I really don’t care if you slept with a woman 50 years ago.”
“Sixty-four years ago”, he corrected me.
Ellie and Eleanor show up in PLT as quick little side characters. Ellie and Eleanor go to the masquerade party that ghost haunting Mercier are putting on. The ghost want Clara and Fierro to torture people who have wronged them. Ellie is Fierro’s person.
I carefully put the masque back on my face and stepped into my bedroom. Ellie Caldwell was standing there, her face unmasked and cane held tight in her hand.
“Ellie? What are you doing here?” I said without thinking
“Do I . . . know you?”
I reached for the [mask] covering my face but thought twice about removing it. She squinted and tilted her head. It had probably been years since anyone had called her Ellie.
“Is this . . . a part of the scavenger hunt? I don’t know what I was thinking. I'm too old for this kind of thing. And I can’t find Eleanor…“
“Ellie, there’s no game. You see . . . I—“
“What’s going on “, she raised her cane defensively
“Mrs. Caldwell. . . Ellie… I…”
I took off the masque.
“Oh, God”, she said holding her heart. Her eyes expanded and her breathe stilled. I reached for her cane before it could hit the floor.
“Ellie I can’t explain all this . . . but you’re in danger. We need to get you out of here.”
“Are . . . are you here to take me to heaven? Oh, Eleanor will be so mad if I died out of the country. The fees alone to ship this old body”
The wry humor lit something inside me. How often had Lucie tried to shush her silly comments?
“No. Nothing of the sort is due, Ellie.” At least I hoped not.
“Eleanor teased Clara about her house being haunted but this doesn't add up.”
“Ellie-“
“Although death does suit you, Addison. You look rather dashing. If you weren’t dead I’d fix you up with my granddaughter… who I think left without me. “
Ellie’s practicality was a thing to behold. Why she was here was beyond me. Ellie had been tangentially involved in my life. The pair of us divided between Lucie.
“Ellie. Have you ever betrayed me?”
She went grave and I helped her sit in one of the chairs by my desk.
“Ellie. What is it?”
She shook her head and started crying.
“Lucie told me what she and Roger did. She told me how Roger stabbed and strangled you. That it was self-defense. I didn’t believe her at first. It was… 1962. It just came out one day while the kids were playing. She said she wanted to wait until Martin got older to tell. Life got busy. She bought it up again in 98 when Nell died. It just…never felt real. ”
“It’s alright Ellie.” I said.
“No it’s not. I should have told the truth. I thought Lucie would do it on her death bed. I planned to do it on mine ---“
“It wasn’t your secret to tell. I forgive you. It’s over. I’m at peace with it. I don’t blame you for anything Ellie.”
“Death really does suit you”, she said, “Was it . . . painful?”
“I can’t really say. Though can you keep a secret Ellie?”
“Clearly”, she said.
I reached out to touch her frail hand, she felt warm and her pulse thrummed right along with mine.
“I’m not dead, Ellie.”
“But . . . how?”
“Do you believe in miracles?”
She brought her hand to her heart and I was afraid this ending would be a touch too fitting.
“You’re alive, Addison. How?”
“I can’t truly say, but I’ve been given a second chance to lead a good life.”
“Clara’s little girl”, Ellie picking up an unframed picture off my desk, “I always thought that was so peculiar. She’s yours?”
“Yes.”
She smiles to herself, “Clara was always Roger’s favorite. I bet he’s rolling in his grave”
“I can’t say I ever give Roger DeLune much thought anymore. We need to get you out of here.”
Slight spoiler.
Eleanor (the granddaughter) will appear in Rose’s dark academia serial. Ellie lives with her so she will appear as well in the background. She will be 98 years old.
I don’t know Ellie’s full backstory or why she ended up raising Eleanor. I just imagine her husband abandoned her and she doesn’t really find herself until her 50s. I also imagine she is estranged from her son and it’s her and Eleanor against the world.