+1+
After Thanksgiving dinner I took a cab back to Clarice’s house. Clarice and Colin have this beautiful colonial-style refurbished cobblestone house, beautiful kids, beautiful family. For some reason I just couldn't be around that.
So I had the driver take me to this bar in Manhattan. A kind of non-nondescript simple bar that would certainly be full on a holiday. I was way over dressed, but I guess I just wanted to be alone and noticed at the same time.
Anyway, everything was fine until Claudia called me. I don’t even know why I picked up but when I did she was hysterical..
“Clara ! Where are you are you ? Are you at home ? Is father still there?", she screamed into my phone.
“No, I went out. I’m in Manhattan”, I told her.
“Damn it. Have you seen Derek ? He sneaked out. Did he go back to the house ?”
“Claudia what’s wrong. Derek leaves all the time--”
“He might be-- I have to find him. I. . . I . ..”, her voice was breaking.
“Claudia ? What's wrong ?”
“I think Derek might be dead.”
“What ? Where are you ?”
“I’m getting off the the interstate, meet me at Father’s office building. DO NOT go inside.”
I wanted to shurg of her hysteria, but Claudia never called me for help.I'd never heard her sound so frantic. I took the subway to Father's office just as Claudia had instructed.
When I finally arrived at Father’s office I found Claudia pacing on the sidewalk, her blue Jaguar was illegally parked around the corner.
“What ?”, I shouted, “Why are we here ? And what’s this about Derek being. . . dead”, I whispered.
With a shaky hand Claudia reached into her pocket and produced the vial of poison. Which I now realize she had stolen from your hotel room.
“What is that ?”, I asked her.
“It’s poison.”, she struggled with the words yet had a causal tone about it.
“What ? what is going on ?”
She was pacing, fustrated that I couldn’t keep up
“Clara, how does father usually end his business transactions ?”
“With a drink”, I said matter of factly. Then realized what Claudia had done., “Oh.My.God. Claudia is this about all the will talk tonight? Where did you even find poisio--”
“Please, Clara you can buy anything on the Internet. It was only supposed to be for father, but what if Derek is with him. What if they both drank it what am I going to do--”
“That’s double homicide Claudia, what is wrong with you ? All this over money ? He's our father, Claudia. Our father.”
“Shut up”, she said changing her tone, “I need you to go up and see if . . . you know... it's too late”
“Why me ?”
“Please. I just can’t be involved”, she took off her gloves and shoved them on my hands, “Put these on”
“Fine, but give me that”, I said indicating the poison. I didn't trust her with a fatal substance.
Claudia seemed more than happy to get rid of it. I slipped the vial into my pocket and reached for the door of the building when someone called from behind
“Girls ?”, We both turned to see Derek strolling down the street. His suit jacket slung over his arm his eyes on his watch
“Derek”, Claudia nearly knocked him over, “Where were you ? Why didn’t you pick up when I called ?”
“I was in traffic, it’s New York on a holiday”, he said confused by Claudia’s affection
“We are going home”, she said dragging him to her car.
“Claud--”, he started
“Shut up and trust me Derek. This is what you want . . .get in the car.”
" Martin's going to be looking for me”, he started, "And what about my car--"
“I don’t care. I'll explain later.”, she pushed him into her Jaguar and shut the door. Derek’s car was later impounded.
Claudia then turned to me with an unsteady smile, she walked over to where I was standing with both hands on my shoulder she peered down at me.
“Clara, you know this is right. You should just leave and forget about all of this.It will just look like a heart attack. This is what you want too, trust me.”
I shrugged her off and we looked at each other for several minutes. Claudia was wrong. I didn’t want this, not like this. I didn’t tell her that.
“Okay”, I said trying relax, “I think I’ll go for a walk and get my own ride home”
“Just don’t stay out to long”, Claudia warned as I walked off.
"I won't", I sad disappearing around the block.
I waited till she drove past me and I doubled around. I spied the light to father’s office and when I had the strength I went inside. I knew if I didn't save Claudia from herself, she would regret it.
Father's office was on the 7th floor and he was surprised to see me. My eyes locked on th unopened bottle of Remy Martin on his desk, it was still dressed in a amber colored ribbon tied around the neck.
Father was still dressed in his pinstripe gray suit, his gray and brown hair perfectly kept.
“Can we talk ?”, I asked.
He was carefully studying me, I peered at his desk he had just begun the forms for his new will.
“Why what have you been up to now”, he said not looking up
“Just work”, I said relaxing into a chair
“Derek will be here soon so you can’t stay for long.”
"Okay"
I reached over and ran my fingers along the bottle of Remy-Martin and picked it up. I looked to my Father and he gave me an approving nod to open it. I wrapped my fingers around the fleur de lis stopper. I noticed it was a little looser than it should of been as I removed it.
Setting two glasses on the table I took some ice from father’s caddy. Holding the bottle at an angle I poured my glass first then his.
I carefully anticipated my next move as I let the bottle slip from my hands. The bottle landed on the plush carpet spilling the rich liquid onto the desk and carpet. I picked up the bottle. It was still intact. Father liked to collect the bottles so I thought he would be happy.
“Damn it Clara”, he said watching the liquor seep into the floor, “Haven’t you made enough mistakes.”
“Please, Father”, I said. I hated how he scolded me when I was saving his life., “I’m here to make amends”
“Clara if you wanted to make amends you wouldn’t have made the mistake you did.”
“For godsakes Father I had a baby , I didn’t kill anyone. I’ve done plenty with my life and maybe if you were home more you would know that.”
“Clara, it’s everything else. When are you going to get your life back on track ? Like it used to be.”
I shook my head in disbelief running my fingers through the liquid dripping off the edge of his desk.
“Father, a few years agao I realized something. I wasn’t happy being a school teacher, I wasn’t happy marrying a prince, I wasn’t happy being the pretty youngest daughter you called on to play parties and be a pretty little accessory. I wasn't happy then but now I--”
“Well, maybe that wouldn't have happened if you had been the boy I wanted.”, he said to the side.
I laughed.
“Really Father ? Now you’re blaming me for being a girl?”
“Listen to me Clara. Every man wants a son.”, there was something behind his words.
“Even Grandpa ? Believe me he never wanted you or Grandma. That’s probaly why he drank almost everyday of his life. He couldn't stand you. Let's face it my daughter is as much of a mistake as you are.”
I regretted the moment I said it.
“Oh, no. Father I’m sorry-”
My lack of control seemed to be genetic. He got up from his desk moving so much quicker than I thought possible.I tried to push him away. I’d never seen him so angry.
My hands were pressing against his chest and tried to get away but he grabbed me and . . . he hit me, and suddenly my eye was throbbing. Father was breathing hard not quite apologizing but he was sorry.
Like I said I didn’t blame him, I knew how Grandpa could be. What he had been capable of I shouldn’t have brought it up.
“You’re fine”, Father said sitting back down at his desk, “It’s nothing. You’re fine. Clara ?"
"I'm fine", I said but I was really just repeating him, my hand clutched over my eye.
I wanted to believe him, I could just smell the stench of alcohol and that curious sweetness.
“Now listen to me Clara. You know I’ll help you. No matter how deep you’re in.”, he said and I couldn't really connect my caring father to the man who had just given me a black eye.
I didn't know what he meant by that comment, I suppose your sudden reappearance had something to do with it.
I wiped at my eyes and looked back at him and I knew he was telling the truth, he would always help me. I just never gave him the chance.
"Clara ? You know I will help you, no matter how deep you’re in.”, he repeated.
"Yes, Father. I do"
I manged my last words to him.
I almost left. Then I remembered the glasses I had poured. The two 6-ounce glasses sitting undisturbed on the edge of father's desk.
So quickly it didn’t even register to me I downed one glass and then the other. I pretended like the scotch didn’t burn and kissed my father on the cheek and left.
I took the stairs back down. I could taste something sweet and vile behind the bitterness of the scotch. I knew what ever Claudia had poisoned father with. . . that it would at least make me sick..
As soon as I was outside I ripped off Claudia’s gloves and tried to stick my fingers down my throat but I couldn’t do it and all I could taste was acrylic and nail polish remover.
I barely made it a few blocks before I started to feel the symptoms. I was starting to sweat but I felt cold as ice. When I failed to get a cab for the fouth time I thought I could wait it out.
It was just getting so cold and I thought about Clarice and her pefect family and I could never impose on her to come for me. Claudia might figure out that I had taken the posion so I didn’t dare call her.
Instead I called my mother.
I told her I had gotten drunk. She had picked me up from various hotels and bars when my drinking got out of hand and would think nothing of it.
I had tried to move farther away from the neighboorhood, but I just made it another block before I collapsed. I welcomed the cold air against my skin my hair was damp with sweat.
An hour later my mother pulls up to where I’m huddled. She jumps out the car and helps me up, as she leads me to the car I see Clarence is sleeping in the back seat.
She had taken the time to change into a sweater dress and a form fitting winter coat, her make-up is immaculate over her soft feminine features and she smells of perfume. I wonder how long it took her to get ready, knowing that I needed her.
In the car she turns on the overhead lights, her hands go to my chin and she surveys my eye. She holds my chin inspecting the swelling. Her green eyes going wide.
“Clara, who did this”, she asks in Italian.
“ I got into a bar fight”, I joked
“Clara”, she was stern her accent thickening, “I’m not stupid.There aren’t any bars or apartments in this neighborhood. Just offices like your father's--”
She stops and clicks the light off staring straight ahead, both hands on the wheel but the engine is dead silent.
“Mother it’s not what you think”
“Clara what is it now ?”
“What ?”
“What have you done now to make your father mad ? Are you on drugs ?", Her voice picks up in range. Her hands are groping and searching my pockets. I’m surprised the noise doesn’t wake Clarence. Or maybe it did I don’t know for sure.
Suddenly she has that tiny stupid vial in her hands and looking at me for an explanation. I start and stop a million different lies, but I can feel the poison tearing me apart inside and i just want to go home.
“It’s poison”, I say trying and failing to grab it out of her hands, “Someone tried to poison father it was supposed to look like a heart attac-”
“Who”, she demands closing her painted fingers are it.
“I-I don’t know”
“Clara”
“Claudia”, I admit, “It was Claudia but I stopped her. I protected her from her own greed. Are you happy ? I took care of my big sister. Can we please go home now ? I want to be in my own bed.”
She is just sitting there watching me. Minutes literally begin ticking by.
Then she opens her door and starts down the block towards Father's office building. I take one quick look at my brother sleeping in the back seat and I’m chasing after her.
“Mother”, I call trying to keep up with her on the stairs but she begins jogging up the steps in her sharp heeled boots and is out of sight.
When I finally reach his office door I see Father’s office is a complete mess from when I left him an hour ago. Even Father looks a little more roughed up. He was picking up his desk and putting clutter from the floor back into drawers.
At some point I noticed the new will father had been working on was gone.
Mother and Father were in the middle of a fight when I approached the door, now they were both quiet.
I watched. Willing myself not to pass out from the poison. I saw the way Mother stepped over the paperwork and made her way to Father’s desk. He was still red-faced and angry. I don’t know if he saw me slumped against the doorway.
“Why do you have to be this way ?”, she said sweetly--flirtatiously really. “Why can’t you be the good man I know you are. The man I met alone and pensive in my family’s restaurant. Remember ? Martin ? ”
“Please, Clair”, he said, “Don’t make this harder than it has to be. The divorce is for your own good.”
My father sat down at his desk. His eyes still on my mother, who was now sitting on top of his desk. I started to feel a little more sick at the way her legs were crossed and her hand was on his tie. For a moment I found myself envious of my Mother’s beauty.
I saw the gun on the floor by the door. I was afraid of what Mother was going to do, so I kicked it into the hallway, out of her sight.
Mother was standing now, one hand on Father's shoulder her thumb near his lips
“Clair”, father warned but he was enamored with her. Everyone was.
She kissed him and I really wanted to look away, I couldn't look away because she had her fingers wrapped around the vial, the top skidded to the floor.
I don’t think he even realized what was happening as she shoved the vial into his open mouth. He chocked and spit out the vial, but the damage had been done.
“You can’t walk all over me”, she said as he began to choke again, “It’s not fair. I did eveyrthing I did . I even gave you a son. Why can’t we be happy again ? Why ? ”
She never got an answer. He started chocking and there was this. … gurgling noise. I just stood in the doorway paralyzed. I knew what he was going through, except I knew he wouldn’t make it. I felt so helpless as he struggled on the floor.
While he is still flailing on the floor my mother continues to straigtned up the office, and even though I’m beside myself I put my gloves back on and help her. She hums a little as she works as if it’s a Sunday afternoon and my Father isn’t dying on the floor.
She takes one of the glasses and hands it to me and I tried to hold it in my shaking hand. She places the other glass on the floor where father has gone completely still. I didn't even see it happen. Him die, that is. I just knew when the noises stopped
I polish the Remy-Martin bottle and removed the ribbon, placing the bottle back on his desk. The spilled liquor had dried to nothing more than a faint scent on the carpet.
My legs feel like they are going to give out underneath me. I’m sure to grab the empty vial and the stopper from the floor. Mother doesn't think twice about it.
Mother takes one look around and surveys the scene. It's immaculate as if my father had just fallen over and died. When she is satisfied she takes me by the arm out of the door. In the hall she stops and presses her face against mine, kissing me even though I’m covered in sweat.
That’s when the tears start. My tears. They sting as they run down my face and I can’t stop sobbing like child.
“It’s okay, Cara”, she runs a comforting hand in my hair., “He can’t hurt any of us any more.”
That's not why I'm crying though. I'm crying because I watched my father die and I can't bring myself to feel anything. I'm crying because my beautiful mother just murdered my father and I let her.
She places her arms around me and leads me down the stairs whispering sweet endearments to me, telling me I’m safe, that she loves me, that it’s okay.
When we reach the car I’ve calmed down but I still haven’t said a word.
“Clara do me favor”
“Yes”, I mumble, wiping away my tears
“Don’t marry a man like your father. handsome, intellegint, broken. You just can’t fix him.”
I just nodded, but I know she is moments from falling apart herself.
“I’m proud of you Clara, of everything you’ve done. . . even being a mother.”, she continues.
Her eyes brightened though her expression was sad, and for a moment we are both so scared.
Be brave, that’s what the look meant.
When I woke up in my childhood bedroom the next morning I wished it was all a dream, but one look in the mirror at my eye confirmed that it wasn’t. I hid the empty vial in a tube of lipstick and wanted this all behind me the moment the casket was closed.
That morning I sat in the kithen and stared at the beautiful arrangment of oleanders you sent me, being none the wiser they had been the source of the poison. I never told Claudia what happned, she just didn’t need to know.
Maintenance found my father on Monday morning. I think Mother’s shock was real, the way she fell into Detective Rainer’s arms felt real at the least. Then again my Mother was an actress.
The funeral was 3 days later, by then my eye had healed and I really thought she had gotten away with it. We had gotten away with it. I thought it was all behind us.
The distance, the sadness, the hurting. Everything.
Don't you see ? It wasn't because she was grieveing. It was becuase she was guilty.
I was a terrible daughter to my father, but I wanted to do better for my mother. I would have done anything to keep her safe, anything so I didn't have to lose her too.
So I did, or at least I tried.
+2+
My arms were around Rosalie who was now curled in my lap, her head was pressed to my chest. She was like a little doll trying to comfort me.
“The worst part is”, I continued, " Is I know I could never love Rose as much as my mother loves me. What Mother did. . . she did becasue of me. I could never be the mother she is. I just knew if I wasn't careful I'd find myself in a similar fate to my father.”
He stopped the car abruptly, I had to quickly steady myself. I kept crying though thinking of being buried in that crate.
“Everything you did”, he questioned, “Was all to protect your mother”
I nodded.
Love makes us do stupid things.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry”
+++
I had pieced my story together over the phone to Detective Rainer. Leaving out the parts about Claudia and where I had gotten the poison from.
Mr. Fierro took me to my family's home, as I requested. . Three police cars were in the lawn, their sirens still blaring. My sister’s cars were also outside, they were probably inside having brunch. Wondering where I was.
When the front door opened I jumped out the car placing a now awake Rosalie on her feet.
Rainer limped out the front door resting on her crutches. She had two sizable stitches and a cast on her wrist. She did her best to avoid eye contact with me. Compared to me she looked pretty good.
Behind Rainer two officers with my mother handcuffed followed. When my Mother looked up she seemed disappointed to see me, she knew what I had done.
My sisters filed out behind them. I ran up the stairs, Mother's green eyes were so bright as she smiled at me. They didn’t let her speak and pulled her roughly down the steps
“I’m sorry”, I called to her.
“No, no don’t be sorry”, she called back in Italian
I felt my sisters arms around me, holding me back.I could feel Clarice’s warm tears on the collar of my dress, her arms around my shoulder. Claudia just had a hand on my wrist, she was calm and stoic her nails pressed to her teeth.
As they lead her into the car my mother was still smiling for our benefits, but for second for she lost all hope.
I watched from the steps as Juliet stepped out of one of the police car. She kept her eyes down and approached Mr. Fierro who had been standing by his car holding Rosalie.
He leaned down as Juliet whispred something to him. He looked over at me then shared a look with Claudia, who quickly looked away.
“Are you at least sorry ?”, Rainer questioned Mother as she opened her car door.
Mother let her hair fall into her face, she looked up thinking about it then looked right at me.
“Non, Je ne regrette rien.”
+3+
In 3 months Clair Romano DeLune was convicted of Voluntary Manslaughter, in defense of her youngest daughter. She was sentenced to serve 5 years before being released on parole
Juliet never liked courts, they were always so full of emotion. Both good and bad and she could sense all of it. So may spirits in unrest.
Juliet usually never stuck around for the aftermath, the courts hardley ever wanted to hear from a crazy psychic and she didn’t want to know what happened next,but she couldn't just shake this particular case off.
Clair DeLune was beautiful, poised, and exotic. She was enchanting and charming with an equally enchanting story. She had been a promising young actress who had given it all up and married young. For a while Clair and Martin had been in love, a whirlwind romance others envied. One where their every luxury and whim was met. In essence they had everything.
That was years ago though.
No one denied Martin’s harshness, his deceit, his benevolence. The light sentence came as no surprise to Juliet. Rainer had higher hopes though.
Juliet had spied the DeLune daughters alone in the courtroom. They were seated as far apart from each other as possible. Each one them remained expressionless as the sentence was passed. Clarice let out a whimper that caught only her sisters attention. Claudia simply closed her eyes.
As the sentenced passed Clara DeLune make her way to each of her sisters giving each of them a hug neither of them really took to. Still she lingrered kissing her sisters good-bye.
Clara didn't even look at Juliet or Detective Rainer as she walked out, her hands covering her face.
One by one everyone filed out the room, till the only one left was Detective Rainer. She stared at the empty courtroom her arms folded in defeat. it was 5 years but Clair would probably only serve 3, if that.
Juliet sat next to Det. Rainer.
Rainer turned to face the girl,The girl who had done somehow bought this all to a close, just as she promised. Juliet rested her head on Rainer’s shoulder. This wasn’t a victory for Rainer. Not today but she would have others.